eutrapely

I was told after getting made redundant that it might be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. At the time I responded with a death stare that would burn a hole through a safe.

Four months later it might just have turned out to be true. My unexpected unemployment provided me with time to stop. I embraced being unemployed and sleeping in, taking the time to cook and enjoying being able to exercise or do whatever I wanted all day long.

I have always been the type of person that lives to work and finding that I didn’t need a job to define myself was extremely liberating. I started to take more risks, to push myself to meet new people and to even start a new relationship.

I’ve learned that work isn’t just about how much I earn or what my title is, it’s about having some life satisfaction and not working myself to the point of misery.

I’ve found that work doesn’t need to be paid, it can be more rewarding to do volunteer tutoring for a few hours a week than to work on a top tier client for 40 hours a week.

Now, I’m back working again but I’m trying to keep hold of some of those lessons I’ve learnt. While I’m working 10-12 hours a day I’m also remembering to put my outside life first.

I work hard and there is nothing wrong with leaving at 5pm on a Friday to meet a commitment I’ve made outside of the office.

My life isn’t work, because work isn’t life.

Today I had the worst job interview I’ve ever had. It started off ok, I was told my resume was thorough, I’ve had lots of experience and then it went downhill. While I’ve got experience it’s not the experience they’re looking for.

After a seventeen minute shellacking I left to go to the post office where I was hoping my ASOS delivery would cheer me up. The man at the post office handed over a tube and it took me a minute to realise what it was.

I got back to the car, popped it open and out slipped an A4 piece of paper in a plastic sleeve. There were my years of hard work, the assignments and exams I struggled through with depression, the months that I had balanced work, study and training for Kokoda.

All of it just boiled down into this one stock piece of paper. I’d expected this moment to be full of joy, instead hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I felt ripped off.

I have a Master of Human Resources and Organisational development, a good resume, a whole heap of experience from HR through to content management and I can’t help but feel most of the time it doesn’t count for anything.

Then I thought how grateful I am that today is my volunteer tutoring day and I’ll be surrounded by 100 odd kids full of energy and joy in just a few hours.

And that is what it’s about, it’s not about getting the best job, earning the most money, having the best title. It’s about actually contributing to and being a part of humanity.

I can help shape the lives of these kids, I can make them feel worthy and share in their excitement when they achieve something they thought was beyond them.

I’ll take that over being called a copywriter any day.

On the last day of Kokoda we went to the Bomana War Cemetery. We had a bit of time to wander around, so I walked up and down the rows of graves reading the inscriptions. There was one in particular that I think about often. It read: Your death has left a loneliness no one will ever fill.

After reading it I went and found a place to sit on the grass and I sobbed. It had been ten months since I’d tried to kill myself. Kokoda had been about stripping myself back, to try and find me again.

That day was a turning point, but there were still a lot of bad days after that. Some weeks there were 2-3 brutal days, other times I managed to get through a fortnight with only one. I contined to feel exposed, like I’d been turned inside out and everyone could see the worst parts of me.

I wondered whether I would ever get to a point again where making it through a day wasn’t an effort. I feared that depression would start to define me. After it passed a year and I wrote about it freely and openly, it started to get easier.

I continued to learn about my triggers, to try and work out when a bad day was on the way and to articulate my emotions so that they wouldn’t crush me and blister those around me. When 2013 started, I thought it would be a good year and then I was made redundant and the fear moved back in.

Now, it’s four months into the year and I’ve only had one really bad day. The boys I used to work with are surprised by how happy I am, they can’t believe they’re using words like perky to describe me. My old boss tells me I look like a different person, like the weight that had been sitting on me is gone.

I wake up happy; I have never woken up happy. The happiness is not something I’m used to and I’m still trying to adjust to being this content.

There is some fear that the worst of the depression will come back. I know a bad day could surprise me, and the slick of nothingness could pour back in. My depression is like crude oil, it seeps through everything and leaves a residue I long to scrub off.

But I am strong enough now to know that a bad day will end. I know I can kick it in the face. I know that all of the times I’ve been able to get over it, learn and find the next good day have made me resilient.

I know that depression is a word, not a sentence.

I had my first afternoon of volunteer tutoring last week. The kids started roaring in at 3:30 and there was soon 70 odd kids, their siblings and parents tearing around the building.

I’d grabbed a heap of flashcards with words and pictures on them and was sitting at a table with my grade one kids. Within just a few minutes of meeting them I could see who was confident, who knew how to spell and read and who would be happy to sit quietly and make their own stories.

We started going through the flashcards and putting them into groups, animals, foods and vehicles. Four of the boys were loudly trading cards and lining them up while the two at each end sat quietly.

I turned to one of the boys and asked him about the groups he was putting his cards into. He had an angel and a bird next to each other and I queried what they had in common.

He looked at me and earnestly said, ‘They both have wings’.

It hadn’t even occurred to me, I was so rationally trying to fit all the pairs together, professions, tools and furniture, yet here was a pair that so clearly matched.

It’s so amazing to spend time with kids when their minds are still so open to everything and before they’ve been told that’s not how things are done.

I’m there to teach them, but I think they’ll end up teaching me more.

The Fetch Melbourne update popped into my inbox yesterday and as usual I skimmed through looking for anything interesting and in particular if there were any jobs I might want to apply for. At the bottom of the list I saw one that piqued my interest, Content Crafter, Buffer.

I then thought, “What’s Buffer?” and got to work doing some research, I’ve found out that they’re a tech start up with a huge focus on content. Which is of course very exciting to me, because content makes me so very content.

So, Leo let me tell you five things;

1. The people I work with are just as important to me as what I’m doing in my role. My colleagues in my old role were a huge part of why I went to work every day. When it comes to fitting in with the Buffer values I’ve actually written a few posts that match them. Here’s self-improvement, choosing positivity, and my entire blog is about reflecting and finding clarity.

2. In the interests of transparency, I haven’t used Buffer before (although I will be using it for this post). I have however looked at the site, researched the team, I like the UI of site and app and will keep playing with it from today.

3. Here’s where I come into my element. I have ten years of experience blogging, both for my own sites and for Deloitte Digital. I’ve done a bit of guest blogging too. In my time managing the Deloitte Digital blog we were listed as one of Australia’s Best 20 Business blogs for three years running.

4. I live the web; my friends say that I’m mainlining the internet. I definitely know social, I even used it to get my job at Deloitte Digital. Perhaps the most important thing, is that I love to learn. I read and consume content from everywhere that I can and get a buzz out of being able to share it with others.

5. Like honey on a hot piece of toast, my content spreads. I have an influential network that helps me to get my content in front of people even in the most unlikely places.

A couple of bonus points:

Creating content for the web is what I do best. I know how to write for digital audiences and thrive in an environment where I’m driven to continually create.

As for getting my hands dirty and working across a range of things. I’m used to being thrown a variety of work from helping with social through to testing new apps and features. Whatever needs to be done, I’m happy to do it.

Check out my resume for the nitty gritty and contact me via ellison [at] eutrapely.com if you need more information.

Oh and, I also write best in my PJ’s.